did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
