rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
