So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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