No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
