I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
