When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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