Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize