zippers are such a cool invention
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize