I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
