He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
