At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
