I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
