My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
