I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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