one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
