Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
