I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
