I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
