Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
