oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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