I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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