My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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