It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
