I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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