did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
