I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
