6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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