in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He felt like a one man threesome
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
