Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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