I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
