yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
