the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
