Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
