apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
