I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
