the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize