I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
