This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
