i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
zippers are such a cool invention
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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