i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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