So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
