Can Purell be used as lube?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Need sex. Gaining weight.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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