Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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