Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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