where does the pee come out of this thing
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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