im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
