So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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