Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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