she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
