If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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