'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
