the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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