I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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