Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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