You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
