i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize