I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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