I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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