you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
