Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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