At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
