i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
