i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
