Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
