I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
