You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
