After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
