She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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