We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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