Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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