i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
