I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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