no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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