I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
