He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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