So drunk its hurt
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
