Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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