I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
